On Uzbeks

Uzbeks came a slight surprise to me......
i thought i was going abroad........
abroad to me emant caucasians........as they do to most people living in the warped reality of the third world.......
so when i came out of the airport at tashkent........and was driven to the hostel..........all i saw on the streets were the uzbeks.....
the plan was for me to stay there for 6 years and finish my medicine.......
the city was good.....clean..........but the uzbeks were almost a disappointment.......just because i wasnt expecting them there.......
and it is so easy.......as i sit and think in retrospect now..........to project your misery on an unsuspecting population......whats even more revolting is that the cause of your own misery might be your own ignorance.......and your inability to read about the people and place before you go there......

something that in my later years highly appreciated the russians to be endowed with..........so well read and well aware were the russians of most parts of the world........possibly a result of the communist upbringing and all that........

anyhow.....to get back to tashkent......so there i was........taken to the hostel and dumped there.........for a few days........while my admission got sorted......into the language course and all that......

i distinctly remember being given the room 811........small.......with a funny bathroom with a small square 'bathtub'........which was only ankle deep........no curtains around it.......so it couldnt be a shower........and it stood on high legs above the floor.........unlike a bathtub.......

its nice to go back all these years..........because.......now i realise......we lived there for a year.......and nover got down to solving what was the best way to use that bathtub...........there must have been a way.........that you were expected to shower in it......without spilling a drop........and still be comfy..........i mean i hope there must have been a way.......but i was amazingly so preoccupied with the life of the times........that i didnt think i needed to get to the bottom of this mystery..........then i think to me it must have been more like.......this is what i have got..........improvise and go on...........no time to pause and enquire into its history and make good use of it.........very military survival approach, i had, i suspect.......

i used to wear a turban then with all the regalia of being a sikh.......so i was easily noticed.....and next will be my experience with uzbek food.....

Tashkent airport

it was probably the airport.......clean and pristine.........and it was november when i went......

i was 18......turbaned, bearded, bespectacled, and the world was more eaceful than it was today.......

i had never been outside india, never been on a plane, never been to russia, never known russian, and certainly didnt have a medical degree.....

but i was going to tashkent......ex soviet union.......not russia really......mum was in tears.....dad was okay..........so much uncertainty........and little bit of fear.......much more for them then for me........

its always easier for the one who is leaving...........adrenaline rush.......the 'what going to happen' happenning.........those who get left behind are the ones who suffer........

same old house......same old routine......only one person less.......one life less.....one worry more....that part of the deal really sucks........

oblivious to all that depression,......buzzing with ecitement.........was me at the airport......all set to go......i had too much luggage.......books......noodles.....soaps........for the whole year!!!.......and it was 1994.....

i dont remember anything special about the flight.........it was only 2 hours...........i loved it.......it was awsome ..........the only one thing that puzzelled me was the blue button.....

like all boys filled with intrigue when you see any panel of buttons......there was abundance os such oppotrtunities on the plane.......everywhere there were these clusters of lights and buttons.....and obviously.....they have signs on them...........global village.......languanges dont work......

so i went to the toilet.....and there was a button for everything......if i were from a backward village in orissa.....i would have been overwhelmed by the leap in technology.......but coming from an upwardly mobile class........the buttons/latches were fascinating........

so i got it all.......the latch to the door....connected to the toilet lights......the flush worked by vacuum only with the seat was down........the tap, soap towel etc........all good......

but then there was the blue button.......square......shiny.....translucent.....rich blue..........and it had the face of a girl on it.......

like......the profile of a girl......the hair face and neck.......embossed onto the switch.......in white.......

very interesting.........i didnt dare press it........i couldnt imagine what it was for........and where there is ignorance........myth takes over.......so it had something to do with girls.......so i thought maybe something to do with girlie stuff.........and my knowledge of the female species was at best = microscopic........so maybe connected to the providence of sanitary towels......or other such things.....which i didnt know there were......but maybe there were.......and i just didnt know......

so i just resigned the blue button to a function i presumed i didnt need to know.....so i went back to my seat..........and then all through the flight........i saw the blue button in many places.........some blatantly obviously placed......

only after 2-3 flights did i realise that the girl symbol meant a flight attendant......but anyhow.........we reached tashkent.......and with this mystery in my mind.........i stepped on the tarmac at tashkent airport......

2017

nasa plans to have the next lunar manned mission by 2020
russians plan to do it by 2017
how exciting is that?

these lunar manned missions arent going to be just play around and click pictures to send to earth.....
its the real deal this time.....

this time......we are talking lunar colonies.....

we are going there to stay.....

the international space station will be the transit camp......

and from there......to the lunar base......
the aim is to harvest energy...... helium3 for instance...........for earth......

8 nyears to go.........i will be 40ish......

i hope they will need medics........my russian background will be useful......
i hope i make it......

8 years to ensure fitness,......but ti should be fun......

iraq and afghanistan.....their only purpose is to keep the economy running.....

we all know how useful war is.....
how civil companies get military contracts and manufacturing needs at a colossal scale.......

which brings employment.......and the monetry cycle continues to be in circulation.....

in fact.......if i were a world leader and i could convince my population to wage a war.......the best people to wage it on would be some kind of aliens......who you can neither communicate properly with.......nor completely understand.......

therefore you can continue with your war in blissful ignorance.......and it is difficult to challenge the illusions of right and wrong.......

like tarantino films........confuse the audience and get the money.....

so iraq and agstan are good coontenders.........so far removed from our reality......that fighting a war with them for them becomes so hopelessly tangled that you want to leave it to your politicians and hope they know what bthey are doing.........now i wonder.....

but so is life........the unemployment of the post 1st world war depression gave us people who were willig to go towar...........and some opportunist maniacs with powers of pursuation........

but the war was good.......it took care of the depression.........and growth after that was phenomenal.......war is so good sometimes.......

i wonder if the dying soldier in foriegn fields these dsays realises all the complexities resulting in his sad demise.........

i think those times are gone when you fought for your king, flag and country......when death came in combat and you embraced and were hailed a hero.......

now you would die confused........i would die confused.......wondering if it was worth it.......i think that the only rationale behind enlisting these days would be the regular pay..........how it sucks.....

schindlers list was quite moving......
the most moving thing is how easily we can go along with the most unimaginable brutality only if we are given a cause delivered with enough force.....
the kids throwing stones at jews and all that.......
it probably still happens somewhere.....between some people.....
under a differrent name......
for a differrent rreason......
but human nature is so susceptible to hate......
all it needs is a little spark......and a convincing argument......
and thats all it takes......
roger waters rightly calls ourselves sheep.....
amd in that respect........in his i-hate-everybody stance..........i have less dislike for the dogs and the pigs from his album animals.......
because at least the dogs and the pigs are following an agenda........the sheep have to blamed for their inactivity.........i find that most repulsive.....
but on the other hand.......majority people are like that......
and if we think democratically..........and also statistically........being a sheep would be the norm......
ugh.......what a depressing deduction........

unfortunately.........insight and thought........are probably the most underused human resource.....
of the 7 billion population.......i think only 10% do any real thinking that influences decisions.......
i am persistently faced with the perplexing notion......that is it even reasonable to expect all of humanity to haveopinions on most things??

when i was in russia.......i was actually impressed by the intellectually rich populace in general......you could meet a carpenter who knew a lot about the world and arts and sciences......

i found the same story in sweden........perhaps to an increased degree if anything.....

but the new generation is always worrying......

at 30 something......like a typical aging bastard.......i am slowly dissociating myselg with the young generation i have belonged to so far........
and settelling into the comfortable seat of a mature garbag who is always grumpy and discontent at everyhting......

anyhow.......i dont think india with all its burden of population comes even close to the level of intellect you find reasonably dispersed within its people.......

and i dont think that its because of the people themselves........its the circumstance........poverty feeds on prosperity.........
i have been there.........from struggling between a handful of money to remaining honest and being happy..........very difficult goals to meet........while i still strove and suceeded to keep my intellectual reserves perfused in provocative thinking.........i could only do that because i had been primed to do that over the years as i grew......

to expect the same of every other individual is unfair........
so how could have thomas jefferson have been right?
when he said that you can not make decisions for your fellow citizens.........if you think they are not capable of doing so..........it is wrong to make their decision for them.,.......but its your duty to provide them with the knowledge and ability to make that decision.......

contradiction ........

idiot prayer

its not asy being at the height of your creative potential
especially if you believe yourself to write better than you actually do.....
but i have been awake now for......almost 36 hours.........i have slept 2 hours in between.....but still........at thirty something, i can claim to be tired.....
the night was good.......
it might seem that my satisfaction feeds on other peoples sufferring......
but its not that way.....
its actually the satisfaction of relieving someones misery that makes the night good......

but the high point is that i dont sleep anymore at nights.....
i take it as work...........
2 years ago in a similar situation, i used to try to save the day by getting 4 hours of sleep on a night shift.....
and my loyalty got divided........

not any more.........i will be starting a reg post in august.......
i have got to make the mark........
dr m ali has some faith in me..........that is very rewarding.....
she can go up and leave me to handle the labour ward........
i enjoy that........
i dont know when i will do a minor blunder and break her illusion of my capabilities.......for that is the environment around me in this useless place.......

let me add natasha here.......as we sit in this little house in colchester court......
i am on the carpet........she is on the sofa........
i am writing this blog............so that in 20 years.......i can read these frustrations and laugh..........mostly at my impatience.......
natasha ......on the other hand...........is concerned with more immediate issues.......
she is vigourously searching for an ideal home........
incessantly over the last few weeks.........
coming up weith suggestions.......booking appointments.......doing viewings........
and then one of us rejects them......
but her spirit is unrelenting..........she is so good......

and in her zeal.......she is forcing me to agree to a house which has only one toilet.......
how can i do that..........
amy has inherited my bowel........
and the suddenness with which it goes in to motion........
how can we just have one toilet........and then we have guests.......
it just wouldnt work........
but natasha want a house........and quick........
she feels the sands of time.........slipping through her fingers........
and i love her..........so if she keeps asking me.......i might give in.........and then for the next many years be confined to one toilet.......

but she is sparky........now that i ahve explained this point to her.......i dont think she will keep on......

so there we are with our house hunt......we are listening to oldies.......so it sets the mood quite well.........
and its 11........we ought to go to bed.........
this sleep deprivation is not good for me.......

i did 2 manual removals........
it was cool......
my surgucal skills are awsome.....
it was 6 am........and i was cool as a cucumber......
if there was music......i could have sung to it......
how i enjoy thee surgical procedures........
the big thing is that i believe i am almost the best......
i dont as much as i do in what i write........in fact.......i think my writing is very mediocre.........almost nauseatingly banal......with occasional conscious efforts of gleaming creativity which stand out among the muck.......and give the false impression that all is good......

but my sirgery.........is a differrent ball game..........even in this infancy of my career........i can see the hidden brilliance awaiting recognition.........haha..........sadly..........such opportunities might tno come...............in todays world............exceptional talents might get shadowed by the life machine......firstly i am not an established exceptional yet.........and when i do........if i do........i have to sieze the lightening when it cracks down from the clouds.........

this thing that i wanted to invent for ovarian laparoscopic surgery........i wrote to the company thast makes instruments.......saying i have in idea.........no one replied.......

but while i was writing..........my mind went to a parellel universe where an agent from the company came to see me.......i explained the idea.........he assured me progress.......came back with a prototype.......and i perfected it a little.........and eventually.....patented the intrument on my name...........and got royalties for it each time a hospital bought it...........

and then when i went for my interview next year.........they said they are giving me a number even before i sit for the interview........and that i was an asset to wales.........and there was a university get together .........where i basked in the glory of my achievement..........

i keep making trips to these parellel universes.......where i am big........what a narcissistic personality..........its toxic.........if i were not as funny as i am.........i think people would find me deplorable.........but in reality i am very affable......

its a real quest for me...........to find out if i will ever reach as far as i believe i will reach........
life is such an interesting thing.........there is so little time........ i hope death is just a cheap joke they play...........perhaps like the matrix or something..........or maybe we live in a world like the truman show........on a global scale........everybody is innocent.......and the real story is outside the bounds of earthly perception........

carry that thought one more step and we are verging on theology.........and faith and all the higher power dogma........

naaah.......i dont like that.........i like that territory and the scientific territory...........i dont like when the two start to merge.......and the boundries get faint.........and you are forced to think that their margins might overlap..........

these keyboards are amazing things.........
espite my best efforts over the last ten years............my touch typing speed is about 10 mmmmmmaybe 20 words per minute.....
so i have to look at it when i type..........
but the fluency with which a simple keyboard can give tangible shape to your smoky thoughts is amazing............like some notion that you carry in your mind gets converted into neat little words with letters which have finite shape..........which you can print and hold...........
the whole transformation is amazing........

as someone had said........any sufficiently advanced science is indistinguishable from magic.......

and on that note........we'll bid you adieu.......but if what they say around here is true........then well meet again...........me and you

enjoy work?

they say there is a recession....
i dont know anythingnaboutit
....i spent royally this christmas.......
electronics.......and it was so much fun......

hdtv first....
here are the rresults of my extensive research
along with the logic i applied.....
you can makew your own opinions....

assumption number 1
the tv i am going to buy is going to last me or at least 4-5 years.......i mightnot want to afford another one.....

therefore........i would like to buy one which as good as it can get for the amount of money i got........so we will try to get one with top specs.....

so i got down to finding out......

now initially they said that in the hdtv industry, the more you pay the more you get....
dont believe it...

if you are going to buy an hdtv today and you want it to last you some time, here are a few things you have to know...

lcd is more expensive than a plasma
lcd is more energy effecient than a plasma
lcd is lighter than a plasma
lcd is better for well lit or sunlit rooms

so these are a few soft pointers
now for some hard ones

if you plan to use your pc with your tv ----only LCD will do
if you are going to watch only sports/fast moving scenes/ gaming ----- plasmas are better

i went for lcd

only buy a 100hz lcd. nothing less
it might be a little expensive, it is an important update you should have

then it just comes down to looks

i went for a 40 inch 100hz lcd tv

the biggest name in the game is sony
they are the ones all experts compared all other tvs to
i didnt find them attractive...... but suppose that if you dont mind the looks and you can afford them, as they are the most expensive too.....go for it ... you cant go wrong....

i didnt and couldnt......so i looked further

all others were pretty much the same.....

toshibas were probably the next best in terms of reviews......
lgs were just about alright.....
samsungs were supposed to be good.........but some ratings were 6.5/10.........and the general impression was tat looks were better than the product delivered......

sharp/phillips and some others were few........and not much choice in the models.......especially in cardiff.......so i didnt dig deep into them......

i thought i will go for an lg......my mum has got a plasma........and its good.....
but then on reading expert reviews realised that my mums tv had a dead pixel........and thats no good.......so my impression fell a bit.........but now i can compare, the remote control was better on the lg then the samsung i eventually bought.....

anyhow..........i didnt like the toshibas........looks are a big thing for me.........much to natashas annoyance........

then i researched and researched.........and found out that a particular model of samsung.......the le656a...........is a cool thing.........some more research......and then i went for it.......

review.......samsung 40le656a

very good looking.....
very good results to my humble third-world eyes......
excellent communication with pc.....
switching between source inputs was much easier and faster on the lg of my mums than it is here...........but overall very good.......

its just 2 days........so dont know yet........but i will update.......


and by the way.......if there was anyone who read my previous post and threw away their iphone covers.........i really apologise......

the day after i wrote that essay.......my wife dropped my iphone and now it had an ugly tiny bump on one corner of the ceramic.........sad.........but everything has to die someday.........then why not the iphone too??

all through the writing of this post i listened to ELOY........an album called Dawn.....probably one of their first......very good

Cover your iphone??? Why?

should you cover your iphone?
the uger to cover your iphone into some ugly packing,
or rarely, a cover that cant enhance, but alters the perception of the iphone substantially, perhaps better to say that it distorts,
comes from the primitive view of people to protect glass....
i think a smooth surface that serves some purpose becomes fragile by default...
and then our human intellect reflexly wants to prove its dominance over it by wrapping it up....

i believe that those who want to cover their iphone fall into 2 categories....
ignorant.......and insecure.....
we will take the ignorants first....
ignorants are the modernists........they know what is happenning.........and so they say.....a little knowledge is a dangerous thing......
the fear ignorants have is this..........the phone has no buttons........therefore the only mode of communication with the machine.....
therefore......if the screen becomes insensitive to their touch........the machine will will become a paperweight.....and an expensive one........compared to what you can get in the market.....
so......you have to ensure that the screen is always sensitive.......
then they deduce that it responds to touch........therefore.....if something rubs against it all the time......the machine will be forced to respond.......and either it will be hung in a life of persistent response.........or.........it will get tired and give up..........becoming more and more stubborn with time.......
therefore....cover it...........it will be protected against anything touching it all the time........and will give me a life of super touch sensitivity for years and years.......

but thats a misconception......
iphone works on synaptic technology.........unlike the PDAs of billion months ago...........which needed 'pressure' of a tap for the screen to respond...........this screen is built differrently.......
it works on the transfer of electrons from you skin.......those electrons jump from our fingertips and excite the screen...........and so it responds.....
therefore.....if you put it your pocket uncovered..........as far as the screen is concerned........nothing is touching it.....even though tightly packed between your papers, pen and keys......
so covering it to prolong its sensitivity is plain ignorance........

now lets go to the insecure ones......
the insecure ones want to protect their phone.........from scratches.......smudges.....spills.....cracks.....sorrow......tears..........and bad girlfriends......
the logic is simple...........cover it......and it will look like new.......for ever and ever........
perhaps its this desire of things for ever and ever that makes us do things in general......
well.........it will be like new............but it definately wont look like new............because you cant look at it anyway..........its covered....isnt it?
fact no. 1.........in 2 years time..........iphone will be history........by 2011........iphone will be the thing of billions and billions of months ago.......
thats the way we do things these days.....
fact no 2..........nothing looks better on a beautiful body than its own skin................most covers are plain ugly........very few are passable if not insulting............but they completely change what the iphone stands for.............
so why cover it............its at its most beautiful when its naked........keep it that way.........and scratches......well..........life is too short......if its insured......thats as far you can go for protection.........more then that is obsession...............in fact......the only argument i can think of for covering it is when it is all scratched..........

to conclude..........i dont understand why people cover their iphones......
and i want to urge everyone to throw away all their covers and use iphones as they came.


(now that i have calssified humanity of the basis of their attitudes towards the aesthetics of their phones, i might also add that all of the above was just a christmas-day-at-work-so-lets-kill-time way of putting my dying lexicon through the oiling machine.......)

}during the writing of this post-renaissance retro metro essay, my ears provided excellent nourishment to my multithinking brain by the music of Jethro Tull, Michael Schenker, Hans Raj Hans, and some obscure bollywood music.{